It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
