Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
