You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
