shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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