Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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