pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
