So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
