im about as happy as oj after his trial
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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