Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
