period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
