he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
