Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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