i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
