i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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