I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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