just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
