Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
