K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
