You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
