"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
