porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
