need another drink. this is the easiest way
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
