she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dear god my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
