I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
