do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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