I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
