do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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