I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize