Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
