Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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