I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
