I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize