dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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