it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
