Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize