and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
