He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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