there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize