He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
