You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
