he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
