did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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