Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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