The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize