There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
