haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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