Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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