She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
