are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
