The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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