New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize