; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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