she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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