Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am midnight drunk by noon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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