I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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