Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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