I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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