I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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