What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
