remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
