I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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