u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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