By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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