Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
