I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
